Bras, Board & A Caramel Apple

 Well, the first person who decided to follow my blog was a fat specialist. A rather cute fat specialist or else I would have been mad…and thought buddy, back off! So, I ate a hotdog and a donut. Life is short. One needs to enjoy it. All is fine in moderation. Okay, so I wasn’t moderating last week. It happens!  I realized on top of all I ate last week, I left out a foodie discovery.

 My friend Beth introduced me to a wonderful Mediterranean place on Ludlow in Clifton, the town where UC is located.  I have walked by it a million times. I heard it was good, but had never tried it. We split an order of dolmades (stuffed grapes leaves). Then being a good vegetarian she got a falafel and me being NOWHERE near a vegetarian, I ordered a lamb gyro. I had the man teach me how to say it. Is it pronounced hero or year-o? He told me. I already forgot. I will ask next time. I have been craving that sandwich since we went there. It was yummy! I walked ALL over Greece MANY, MANY years ago afraid of the gyro and now I am in love with it. What a travesty!

 So, I have this beyond weird obsession. CONCORD GRAPES. See fat specialist I can eat healthy! I have been craving them. If you haven’t eaten them they are like a grape but sweet and tart at the same time and the center has this weird gooey texture and I can’t eat enough of them. I go to Kroger’s and go straight for the concord grapes. I buy two boxes at a time. I sometimes can get three servings out of each box, but usually only two. Most people probably get five. I know. I know. But they ONLY come out in the Fall. I started eating them when I lived in Boston, so I think of it as a Fall, East coast, pretty leaves treat. And how many foods can you not get year-round? Makes them even more special.

 So, I have this awesome very dear friend named Jennie, who decided that I must get this special bra. I laughed and said NO. I told her I love my jogging bras and I said NO WIRES! She said I am buying it for you. I said ABSOLUTELY NOT! She said I don’t want to hear another word. I am not doing you any favors. You are going to fall in love with these bras and it is going to change your life! You have never been properly fitted. My friend Temple gave me the same crap years ago after she discovered La Perla. I didn’t buy it then and I don’t buy it now. So, Miss Modest (aka me) went to the bra store. The lady fit me. First of all, did you know the size of bras now goes up to the letter “M” for MY GOODNESS SAKE THAT IS SOME HUGE TATAS! I thought it only went to D or DD. But M, and I was initially mortified to be over a size D until I put that Knickers of Hyde Park bra on my body and I looked like I lost 10 lbs. I am not kidding you. It is the first time since I was 12 that the girls have not rested on my stomach! My boobs have never been so perky! Jennie was right! The bra was going to change my life! She kept saying you are going to get a man with this bra. I kept giggling and saying no, but then to see me in that bra….OH YES I AM! I want to wear it everywhere. To get the mail. Take out the trash. To go to the post office. To go to the grocery store. It is insane. A bra? How can a bra make that much of difference? It does and then they told me to come back in the summer and I can get a bra in a bathing suit. HOLY MOLY! She didn’t do me a favor……okay she did, because it has been a long time since I looked in a mirror and thought…I feel pretty good! So, to my dear, dear friend Jennie! Gosh, I love you!

 I went to my first Board Meeting. A gal in the building retired and they asked me to take her seat. They told me they needed new blood. Young blood. I have been putting it off for years, but decided it was time. So, there I am, but the day before the meeting a gal in my building told me because I was young and inexperienced that perhaps I could use a mentor? I thought perhaps you can stick it where the sun don’t shine? I thought, ‘Really?’ You do not know a thing about me and yet you are going to presume that I am not capable of being on the board. Who died and made you God? Apparently, she thinks someone did!

 So, I was madder than a wet hen and I was thinking about that and thinking about something else and I just kept getting madder and madder and I went to the kitchen and this is where I have become a real bachelor…not a bachelorette. I opened the frig and grabbed the milk carton and it had about two swigs left in it and I went to take the last two gulps, and before I knew it I had milk ALL OVER me. All over my face, it was in my pj’s, it was in my hair, it was on the floor. Why didn’t I just pour it into a glass? Yes, I went to Harvard!

 I went with Carolyn and Jo to this cute little place that you would never in a million years find it is so off the beaten track and so well tucked into a corner. It is called The Sweetheart Café. The coffee was lousy, but remember…food snob here and that is hard for me to get beyond bad coffee, but I still drank it. I had a pretty good breakfast sandwich even though I must confess I liked Tuckers better. I can’t tell you why. Okay, I can. The sausage was better. Again, bizarre. But it was cute. The people were so nice and it is fun to be with Carolyn and Jo!  I want to go try it again!

We went to this cute shop next door that had just about everything under the foot of the sun in it. And let me tell you, great yarns, great colors and everything was so well priced. UC, OSU, Bengals, Reds stuff in form of earrings, necklaces, shirts, birdhouses, you name it…they have your local favorite team on it.

Later that afternoon, my friend Viv and I went to Mariemont to see a movie called ENOUGH SAID. The Sopranos guy who sadly died who was so adorable and sexy in that movie and then the gal from Seinfeld. I liked it. Then I couldn’t resist and I went next door to Graeter’s. BUT not for my usual addiction of Mocha Chip, but instead a caramel apple. I eat at least one every fall. I LOVE carmel apples. I used to buy the ones at Krogers and then I discovered Graeter’s, which knock Kroger’s out of the park, and I can’t go back!

 Viv, Miss I am 84, and want to hop the fence and go swimming, but I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable swimming in a pool that no longer had chlorine in it. Kinda scares me. I am so attached to my limbs, I would hate for them to fall off.

 So, I babysat last weekend. It really wasn’t babysitting the girl was 16, but she didn’t have her driver’s license so I had to stay with her in case of an emergency. I was told she was a child prodigy and she began composing music at 12! She was signed up for FIVE Advanced Placement (AP) courses and her folks said she was unnerved that I was coming and she was very bright, very self-sufficient, and probably would ignore me all weekend long.

I picked her up at school and she came out texting, got in my car texting and I thought…let the hell begin. At least I am getting paid well for this! We got to her house and I am not kidding you she sat at the kitchen table and talked to me for THREE HOURS! Then she went up to study and came down an hour later for dinner. I said your folks are out of town. You pick I will take you wherever! She was too indecisive to decide. So, I took her to this adorable little restaurant called ARTHUR’S that I went to almost daily in college and we sat in the garden and ate. I ordered a breakfast burger. It was a burger with American cheese, bacon and a fried egg and then lettuce, tomato and onion. I learned to eat fried eggs on burgers in Australia. YUM! It was so good. I also ate the majority of the sweet potato fries. I love how I, and millions of people have learned to delude ourselves into thinking that sweet potato fries are better for us than regular French fries. They may be but they are still FRIED!

So, for the next three days this gal and the adorable rescue dog were kinda connected to my right hip. Okay, the dog was literally napping on me. But it was kinda fun. I felt like I may have been an okay mom if I had had the opportunity to be one.

What I found interesting sad, odd and shocking! I told the 16-year older that I wrote teenage novels and asked her for her thoughts on writing about bullying, weight issues that sort of thing. She told me the real problem in the high school was apathy. No one cares about anything or anyone. I found that so scary and sad. Is it parents that are apathetic and create apathetic children? Is it nice parents that spoil their kids and they become apathetic? Why so much apathy? How do you change it?

I was not an apathetic kid. I was always a really nice kid. I was taught to be nice and I was and let me tell you it comes back tenfold. Why don’t people understand that you get what you put out there?

The other sad, odd, shocking fact was when she told me that there are kids that bring water bottles to school and they are not filled with water, but instead with Vodka. Frightening. And kids putting pot in food and eating the food like a snack and getting high during school. Maybe I am naïve. I know I am to a certain extent, but if kids are using vodka to get through an average day at school or a pot brownie. Something is off.

So, my week was far less food packed. I think I ate too much last week. I am still craving that Oreo donut, but I will behave. Maybe. So far, so good. Now, I am not sure I can resist another carmel apple and the pumpkin pies have arrived at Frisch’s and sorry folks. NO ONE makes better pumpkin pie than Frisch’s….okay maybe Shirley aka Trouble!

Tata until we meet again….Eat well and eat often…eat, travel and laugh…


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